I will not watch because I just can’t bear it, but in honor of Leelee losing her first tooth, I couldn’t help but post the video of my Daddy helping Mac pull his first tooth via Nerf Gun. Hoping it makes some of you smile. I wish I could join you.
Those baby teeth fall out before we, the big people, are ready because it means the babies are getting big, growing up, becoming a little person rather than a little kid.
Daddy helped Mac pull his first tooth in the most memorable way possible. But he doesn’t even know Leelee lost hers…because he left her before he should have.
He left, like those teeth, before any of us were ready.
Personally, I think he left before he was ready.
But he left anyway.
And unlike the void that is now in sweet Leelee’s little mouth, his void won’t be filled by something that comes after. It’s just a gap, never to be replaced by anything resembling her awaiting permanent tooth.
It’s just a gap, a chasm, a hole, sitting vacant and empty, inside of me.
In a perfect world, those lost people, like baby teeth, would grow back into our lives just like our permanent teeth do.
Second chances.
Do-overs.
The second time around, they stay forever.
If only.
uglyreal 
Not to be mean or unsympathetic but my suggestion to you is celebrate your children and family who are with you and leave out your grief and anger at your dad. They deserve your full attention and celebration of their own accomplishments.
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Not to be mean or unsympathetic, but if you think that I don’t give them my full attention and celebrate their own accomplishments, then you possibly could be missing the point. I write here about what I won’t say or do in front of my kids. I express here what exists deep inside as I celebrate their accomplishments and give them my full attention. I write this here so that it doesn’t carry over into their lives; I give my grief a place, here…a place that is appropriate because showing it to them would not be. I’m sorry if I didn’t explain that. My children will never read this (or not for a very long time), and my children have NO idea that I feel this way. I reserve it for here. So no worries, Kay. I can assure you…Leelee ONLY knew that we were so excited she lost her first tooth and the tooth fairy was good to her!
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I am glad to know that. And that you are protecting your children. I have followed your writing for several years and have always admired your talent and have enjoyed you sharing the antics and accomplishments of your children and life. I only know you through these stories but have known your parents and grandparents all my life. I grieved and was sad for your family when Charles died. But after that you quit posting as you once did and I suppose because you did not write and show pictures of your family (although your sister did) the assumption was that you were letting the grief consume you. I do hope you wont take offense by my thoughts. Take care and have a blessed Christmas.
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Completely understand, and deeply appreciate that you care. My sister and I grieve very differently, and we are able to both respect one another’s process, and I’m glad for that. My love for my daddy and the loss of my daddy is so deeply intertwined that it is difficult, on many levels, to express. It is multi-faceted. I tend to get the sadness out here, specifically so it won’t bleed over in to my “real life.” I appreciate you and love you for following our stories. I absolutely don’t take offense…I just appreciate a chance to explain a bit. Some people understand, and some don’t. Some agree and some disagree. That is okay with me. I know why I write what I write and don’t write what I don’t….and I”m good with that. I am just thankful you are willing to follow along the journey. Many blessings to you and yours with much love.
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