It Doesn’t Get Better

3 and almost a half months later, this is what I have to tell you…. It doesn’t get better.   I wish I could tell you it does. But it doesn’t. Because he still isn’t here. And it just doesn’t get better. I wish I could tell you it gets easier. But it doesn’t. Because … Continue reading →

Kryptonite

It is this time of night, when the house is quiet, and I’m not quite tired enough to fall asleep, but don’t have enough energy to find something to do, that the missing sneaks in, even if I don’t want it to.   It is the time of night when my brain can’t keep up, … Continue reading →

What Are You Doing?

DISCLAIMER: Read the “About” page, and understand why this blog is called uglyreal. A whole lot of you aren’t gonna like this. And I understand that. I don’t like it either. And yet, it is uglyreal. It just is. ____________________________________________________________________________________________ So, Daddy, here we are again. Daddy + Football = Sad I wonder if there … Continue reading →

Different

Do y’all know how badly I want to be “normal” again? If I had a genie in a bottle, if I believed in Santa Clause, if I wished on stars….my wish would be to be normal again. I would wish on that star, and my wish would be when I pulled up to a house … Continue reading →

Nobody Wants to Be This Mad…

…but I am, in fact, THIS mad.   And isn’t about what I want. Not anymore. Because what I want isn’t here anymore.   All that is left is just how I feel. And there is very little control over a feel. Y’all know this.   So, I am THIS mad. I am. And the … Continue reading →

Southern Sad

Being Southern makes grieving a whole lot harder. Grief isn’t nice. Grieving is so not nice.     Those of us reared down in the Deep do things because we know we should, because we were taught we should. Those of us reared down here know not do other things because we were taught we … Continue reading →

Two Months

Two months ago, you breathed. And then, two months ago, you didn’t.     In the last two months, I’ve gone to bed zero times and woken up one time and you were breathing. In the last two months, I have gone to bed 60 times and woken up 61 times and you weren’t breathing. … Continue reading →

Do You Regret It?

Do You Regret It?

Do you regret that decision you made? I hope you do. I have to believe you do. Because there is no way my mind can conceive that if you had thought, really thought, for just a split second that leaving equalled you missing today–today and all of the other todays–that you wouldn’t have made a … Continue reading →

Precautions

Last week, I Googled: “going back to work while you are grieving and you are a judge.” Sunday morning, I Googled: “going back to church when you are grieving.” Neither efforts garnered any results. Thus, this post. This is the thing I’m learning. It all sucks. When you go through your thing, you begin to … Continue reading →