Mine isn’t worse than yours. It is just mine.

One of my tribe members lost her daddy yesterday. He was suffering from Alzheimer’s, and she and her family have been watching him slowly decline into a person they didn’t recognize. That horrible disease inhabited him, stealing his personality, his humor, his intellect, his memory. She didn’t want to let him go, but she didn’t … Continue reading

Leelee Knows

The day Daddy left, Scott and I left my parents’ house to go to our own and give our children (at the time, 9 and and 3) news that would make them know that bad things can happen. I didn’t know that until I was 17. I was lucky to be so old. Beth McNeill … Continue reading

You Should Be Here

Leelee’s birthday was, as you know, a week ago today. October 15th. Extensions deadline. Or, the you I knew, knew. I have no idea if you know now. But you should.   And you should have been here.   I was coming home from the beach with my girls a week ago today, so I … Continue reading

It Doesn’t Get Better

3 and almost a half months later, this is what I have to tell you…. It doesn’t get better.   I wish I could tell you it does. But it doesn’t. Because he still isn’t here. And it just doesn’t get better. I wish I could tell you it gets easier. But it doesn’t. Because … Continue reading

Kryptonite

It is this time of night, when the house is quiet, and I’m not quite tired enough to fall asleep, but don’t have enough energy to find something to do, that the missing sneaks in, even if I don’t want it to.   It is the time of night when my brain can’t keep up, … Continue reading

What Are You Doing?

DISCLAIMER: Read the “About” page, and understand why this blog is called uglyreal. A whole lot of you aren’t gonna like this. And I understand that. I don’t like it either. And yet, it is uglyreal. It just is. ____________________________________________________________________________________________ So, Daddy, here we are again. Daddy + Football = Sad I wonder if there … Continue reading

Different

Do y’all know how badly I want to be “normal” again? If I had a genie in a bottle, if I believed in Santa Clause, if I wished on stars….my wish would be to be normal again. I would wish on that star, and my wish would be when I pulled up to a house … Continue reading

Nobody Wants to Be This Mad…

…but I am, in fact, THIS mad.   And isn’t about what I want. Not anymore. Because what I want isn’t here anymore.   All that is left is just how I feel. And there is very little control over a feel. Y’all know this.   So, I am THIS mad. I am. And the … Continue reading

Southern Sad

Being Southern makes grieving a whole lot harder. Grief isn’t nice. Grieving is so not nice.     Those of us reared down in the Deep do things because we know we should, because we were taught we should. Those of us reared down here know not do other things because we were taught we … Continue reading