Groundhog Day

So, for six weeks and three days, when I wake up, the first thing I think is, “My daddy is still not here.” And then…where the hell is he? And then…when is he coming back?

Every. Single. Morning.

I am living Groundhog Day, the movie with Bill Murray. If I had an alarm clock, this is exactly what I would do to it.

 

There is no possible way this is my life. There is just no way.

There is simply no possible way that this has happened to us, and that is is real. It feels like a book I read or a movie I watched–about someone else.

There is no way that this isn’t going to end soon and everything is going to go back to the way it used to be, the way it should be.

Because this is, quite frankly, ridiculous. It’s absurd. It is so asinine that it can’t possibly be true.

It is as dumb as the movie Groundhog Day. 

It’s just not within my realm of understanding. It isn’t inside the possibilities of how he would leave us.

I had imagined every way on Earth he would leave us. I had prepared myself in my head.

This wasn’t on the list

This isn’t even remotely realistic.

Seriously.

 

There is no possible way this is my life.

Because six weeks and three days ago, my life seemed normal. Now, it doesn’t.

Six weeks and three days ago, my world looked colorful. Now, it doesn’t.

Six weeks and three days ago, my future seemed certain. Now, it doesn’t.

 

Six weeks and three days ago, my life had my daddy in it.

Now, it doesn’t.

And that is ridiculous.

 

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