Last week, I Googled: “going back to work while you are grieving and you are a judge.” Sunday morning, I Googled: “going back to church when you are grieving.” Neither efforts garnered any results. Thus, this post. This is the thing I’m learning. It all sucks. When you go through your thing, you begin to … Continue reading
Tagged with grief …
Find Your Tribe
It doesn’t matter than they don’t know exactly how I feel. What matters is they know me. What matters is, they have known me forever, and they know me better than I know me. They have been through the door for so long, they know they never have to knock. What matters is, even if … Continue reading
The Door
I have never hated an inanimate object before. But I hate one now. I hate a door. It is a door to my courtroom. There are 4 of them, but I only hate one. One entrance to the court is a set of 2 doors in the front of my courtroom through which the general … Continue reading
Groundhog Day
So, for six weeks and three days, when I wake up, the first thing I think is, “My daddy is still not here.” And then…where the hell is he? And then…when is he coming back? Every. Single. Morning. I am living Groundhog Day, the movie with Bill Murray. If I had an alarm clock, this … Continue reading
What I Remember
You may want to read “Why It is uglyreal…” before you read this post, and then decide if you want to continue. ____________________________________________________________________________________________ Window in the door to the left of my bench at the court. Susan’s face. Door opening. Kim Henderson beside Susan. The chair underneath me. My legs underneath the bench. My hands … Continue reading
I Am Your Daughter
Before you go any further, if you haven’t, please go back and read the “Why It Is Uglyreal…” on the home page. Then decide if you want to continue, because this post is as uglyreal as it gets. ____________________________________________________________________________________________ When Anna was born, you said to me: “You’ll always be my little girl.” Liar. … Continue reading
Gridiron Golden Hot Air Balloon Dreams
When Daddy left, he took with him so much more than just his physical self–that steadfast, quirky, impatient, soothing self–as if that wasn’t enough. He took away so much more. He took away my child’s favorite human being on the planet. The damage his leaving did to my own heart is irreparable, but … Continue reading
Tunes ‘Til Two
IF I had full faith that people we love who die give us signs from heaven after they are gone, this story would bring me glorious comfort. I would think it was so perfect, so Daddy…so Daddy and me. I would roll around in it, cover myself with it, drape it over my shoulders and … Continue reading
uglyreal 